Right now I hate breastfeeding. Ask me again this time tomorrow & I may be ok with it or love it! I have a real love/hate relationship with the whole thing. I know that I am pretty blessed in some respects, as I didn't have much difficulty with my milk supply & also didn't suffer much pain after those first 10 days or so. I try to think of these positive things when I am struggling with the not so positive. As I've previously mentioned, Addy has a milk (& soy) protein allergy. Although it took me about a month (& the help of the lovely Alyssa), I have gotten my new strict diet down and my baby girl is so so much happier. However, I still dream often about pizza & ice cream and some days it's just so hard to deal with. My main issue is that I just can't go out and eat. I went to my BFF's engagement party and had to sit there & watch everyone else eat as I had no idea of the ingredients in the meal. In addition to this, I am currently struggling with a clogged duct in each boob. Sadly, I am apparently prone to this issue no matter how many precautions I take to avoid it. However, this is the first time I've had it in my right boob or in both boobs at the same time for that matter! Needless to say I am in pain and miserable. Addy had a little stint of deciding she didn't really want to eat and sadly this is the result of that issue. I tried pumping (something else I hate!) but apparently it didn't work.
Now don't get me wrong, when no one's eating pizza in front of me and my boobs aren't in excruciating pain, I absolutely adore the time I have with Addy during her feedings. She is becoming more efficient at it and gaining weight wonderfully. I know that it is giving her nutrients that she wouldn't get through formula, but let me tell you I think of quitting at least once a day! Throughout all my classes no one ever took the time to be honest & upfront about how difficult breastfeeding can be. I know that they don't want to scare people away, but I think it would have helped me be more prepared. I keep telling myself that if I was somehow able to figure out this diet to help her, than I can get through anything else and stick with it. It is what's best for her and all I know is I am doing MY best and that's all that matters.
I apologize about the whining/complaining but I just needed to get this off my chest. (No pun intended....LOL)
Now don't get me wrong, when no one's eating pizza in front of me and my boobs aren't in excruciating pain, I absolutely adore the time I have with Addy during her feedings. She is becoming more efficient at it and gaining weight wonderfully. I know that it is giving her nutrients that she wouldn't get through formula, but let me tell you I think of quitting at least once a day! Throughout all my classes no one ever took the time to be honest & upfront about how difficult breastfeeding can be. I know that they don't want to scare people away, but I think it would have helped me be more prepared. I keep telling myself that if I was somehow able to figure out this diet to help her, than I can get through anything else and stick with it. It is what's best for her and all I know is I am doing MY best and that's all that matters.
I apologize about the whining/complaining but I just needed to get this off my chest. (No pun intended....LOL)
7 comments:
Laura said...
Like you said, you are doing your best! And that's all Addy or anyone else could hope for. Hang in there!
Photogrl said...
I totally understand!
Every day, multiple times a day, I find myself wanting to throw in the towel on breastfeeding. It is hard, but you're doing a wonderful thing for her.
((hugs))
StephaE said...
I knew that Alyssa would be a good resource for you! She is my RLF (well, blog friend turned real friend) who is amazing!
I am nervous about this who thing, very nervous. I am glad that after 10 days it didn't hurt anymore... :) Seriously...I am soooo nervous!
LuckyOnce said...
For me it's more of a hate/hate relationship. :) You have every right to complain. It is SO hard, and your dairy issues make it even harder. You're doing a great job.
I always try to warn new moms (even before this baby) about how hard it is because I feel like no one warned me either the first time. I'm not trying to scare them, but just to give them realistic expectations because I think your experience and my experience are much more the rule than the exception. I think the number of people who really have no trouble breastfeeding is a very small number.
Keep it up... You're doing great!!
Kailyn's Mommy said...
First off I TOTALLY agree with you. I was lucky enough to have a few great friends who warned me before Kailyn was even born to take a class or learn a little about BFing because it is rarely easy. And they were sooooo right! With Kailyn's tongue tie issue the first few weeks were beyond horrible! It was so painful I felt nauseous before I would have to feed her again. I cried and cried. My lactation specialist that came to our house REALLY helped us. These women are great! Without her I would have given up. :*( My nipples were both so scabbed and bloody. NOT fun. But I stuck through it for her and now @ 4 months we are doing great. Still a day doesn't go by where I don't think about how much easier it would be to just pack up a bottle of formula to take out with us. Just this past weekend I had to bring my pump and pump on our boat! It was actually pretty amusing to some. lol (my Mom was watching Kailyn)
Not to mention how hard it is to keep up with the pumping every day @ work. And then not being able to go out to have a drink at night with friends unless I want to pump and dump (haven't done this yet). But in the end it is still worth it to me. I still have no idea how long I will do it for but I know every month she already has had with BM is better than none. You have already given her so much more than some are able to provide, just remember that.
I also had the plugged duct once so I feel your pain! Try hot compress before feeding or pumping. That helped me.
Whatever you decide you have done SO great already!!
CeCe said...
You are doing great- the best that you can and that's all that matters! I agree- no one tells you how hard it can be and that we will have thoughts of throwing in the towel.
TIG said...
i get clogged ducts too. Have you tried a warm-hot shower to open the ducts? it helps for me.