was Poppy's due date. Today, my heart hurts as I miss her so very much. Today, I am 8+4 weeks pregnant. Today, I am 3 days away from where I was when we lost Poppy. But because I have an awesome God, today, I am hopeful. I am loved. I am in love w/the precious babe growing inside my belly. And I fall more in love w/our little miracle Adelyn every day.
I have so many thoughts swirling through my head today. Sometimes I can't believe these things have happened to me. I can't wrap my mind around having lost 3 babies. I try to remember my life before the losses & it seems nearly impossible. I know I'm a different person than I was before the losses, but don't remember who that person was. I am the mama of 3 angels. But I am also the mama of a gorgeous miracle who I wouldn't have had if I hadn't lost the 2 babies before her. And I am pregnant w/another as I write. So crazy how life works. I love this baby so much already. We saw him/her on Mon & s/he is getting so big! Everything with the scan went great & we go back on the 11th for our last scan w/the RE. We should be a day shy of 10 wks. That is the sono we went to when we learned that Poppy's heart stopped. This will be one of the biggest milestones for me in this pregnancy.
Throughout all of these trials & triumphs I've had this community to help me cry & help me celebrate. Even a year after having my little love, you were all here by my side as I suffered another loss. I am so very grateful for this outlet. I am overjoyed w/how many of us are pregnant again & pray for all of you often.
I have so many thoughts swirling through my head today. Sometimes I can't believe these things have happened to me. I can't wrap my mind around having lost 3 babies. I try to remember my life before the losses & it seems nearly impossible. I know I'm a different person than I was before the losses, but don't remember who that person was. I am the mama of 3 angels. But I am also the mama of a gorgeous miracle who I wouldn't have had if I hadn't lost the 2 babies before her. And I am pregnant w/another as I write. So crazy how life works. I love this baby so much already. We saw him/her on Mon & s/he is getting so big! Everything with the scan went great & we go back on the 11th for our last scan w/the RE. We should be a day shy of 10 wks. That is the sono we went to when we learned that Poppy's heart stopped. This will be one of the biggest milestones for me in this pregnancy.
Throughout all of these trials & triumphs I've had this community to help me cry & help me celebrate. Even a year after having my little love, you were all here by my side as I suffered another loss. I am so very grateful for this outlet. I am overjoyed w/how many of us are pregnant again & pray for all of you often.
9 comments:
CeCe said...
Big hugs to you! Remembering Poppy and all three of your angel babies- they are all important and loved. We experience the extremes- sadness for our losses and joy for our miracles. Sending you warm thoughts and prayers as you continue your journey forward!
LuckyOnce said...
Remembering the losses can be really tough. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts today as you remember your babe.
Laura said...
That song also totally resonates with me and my experiences, and I too, can't remember what I was like before the losses. I'd like to think that I'm a stronger, kinder, better person now because of my experience. Blessings to you today and always!
Ella said...
HUGS Dawn. Hard day, I know, and yet also so filled with hope for the future.
Erica said...
Hugs!! After my two losses, I sponsored two children through World Vision, whose birthdays are the same as my due dates. It helped me heal and gives me something to help me celebrate on those days. I'm so happy that things are going so well for you and baby!!!
Wendy said...
Big. Hugs. we will never forget the pain of loss, but pain does fade into another memory that shapes who we become as mothers later on. I pray for your little sprout miracle and I am filled with so much hope and inspiration being able to follow u on another journey in your life. Hope Addy is doing well/better - another update on her too pls :)
Andrea said...
Tears, tears and more tears....I was just reflecting on this in my own life just yesterday. It hurts when I think that I "should" have 2 babies, but then I also know that had I not lost Christian, there would be no Lleyton. It's beyond bittersweet...
Now, I sit and contemplate what is to come. I'm nearing 40 and trying to decide when is the optimal time to head back to our fertility clinic. How I will cope with the stress of all that comes with ART and all the what if's attached. However, I know that I want to try my earnest to give L a sibling. Lots of unknowns, but as you say, GOD is ultimately in control and we hold tight to him and our FAITH to light the way.
Wishing you all things wonderful! And lifting you in prayer always.
xxx
Andrea
Unknown said...
If not for my faith in the Lord and my love of my first born son; I could never have survived the loss of my son Jason. God Bless the brokenhearted. Nancy
crossroadofhope.blogspot.com
Fumbling towards Motherhood said...
The pain never really goes away. Even when you are blessed with another miracle. A friend said to me the other day that it must be easier to lose a baby once you have had one because you are at least a mom to one...I had to stop her an tell her EVERY loss is as painful as the first. Once we open our hearts to loving another child, we are vulnerable to all the pain that can come with loss. So I understand how difficult these anniversary's can be. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are not alone, and I am so grateful that we have met and that you continue to share your journey.