Gods Plan Not Mine

The month of May had to have been one of the longest most difficult months of my life. I lost my second baby late at night on the 29th and it was just the beginning. The phyical results of the loss stayed with me for a complete 3 weeks while it feels like the emotional side is only just beginning to heal. Only 3.5 weeks after the miscarriage, my grandmother passed away. She was a truly amazing person and she was so excited when I told her I was pregnant! I still miss her a ton! On top of this ,I found out that my sister in law who I love so very much is pregnant and due 6 days after our baby was due!!! She had IVF and has triplets and it is just such a blessing that the Lord would allow her to conceived a child naturally!! And although I could never be unhappy for her, I just keep thinking about how fun it would be to be pregnant together or how her baby is the same size/age as ours should be. Yet no matter how hard things became, how angry I become with God or the situation, his grace was sufficient enough to get me through. No matter how often I felt like I just couldn't face the day, He was there to lift me up and carry me on.

Although June has gotten off to a rougher start (darn weather) than I would have hoped, I am looking forward to this month with vigor!!! I am seeing my RE, getting acupuncture and praying daily for the Lord's continued strength, whatever his plan is for us. Don't get me wrong I am absolutely petrified of trying again....but with God all things are possible (Matt 19:26).