I woke up to some pretty hefty cramps this morning and AF is finally back! Crazy that at one point I was dying for it not to be there and now I'm happy!! So I have an appt with the RE tomorrow to do some more tests. But don't ask me what as I have no idea. Hopefully he'll have gotten my bloodwork back and we can go over that. Just getting my period gets me both excited and nervous about being one step closer to trying again. I want so badly for the blood tests to show something that is nice and simple to fix....but what woman who's gone through this doesn't hope for the same thing!?
I work outside and because of this unbelievably crappy June weather I was stuck in the office today. And of course a woman who used to work here comes in and announces she's pregnant and starts proudly showing her first sono pics!! It's so sad that my first thought is, "I should have sono pics!" I should just be happy for her and not think about myself but that seems impossible. Instead I do my best to keep on a smile and the first moment I get, duck into my office and fight back tears! The site of pregnant women used to get me so excited and now it just breaks my heart!!! Does this ever get any easier???
So I guess today has been another one of those up and down days that I've become so familiar with since this whole thing started.
I work outside and because of this unbelievably crappy June weather I was stuck in the office today. And of course a woman who used to work here comes in and announces she's pregnant and starts proudly showing her first sono pics!! It's so sad that my first thought is, "I should have sono pics!" I should just be happy for her and not think about myself but that seems impossible. Instead I do my best to keep on a smile and the first moment I get, duck into my office and fight back tears! The site of pregnant women used to get me so excited and now it just breaks my heart!!! Does this ever get any easier???
So I guess today has been another one of those up and down days that I've become so familiar with since this whole thing started.
3 comments:
Fumbling towards Motherhood said...
Hi Dawn, It's so nice to meet you. Thank you for your support on my blog, and thank you for sharing your story with us. When I read your story, my heart ached for you. Miscarriage simply isn't fair. I know your journey all to well, so keep sharing, we're all here to support each other through the rough times. I'm so sorry for your losses. I can totally relate to your story. My husband and I took our time before trying to start a family. I had a rule of no kids before 30, but now I'm 32 and feeling like I'm so old. It's a cruel and dark place this road, but we have to believe that our journey is not for nothing. There must be a plan for us angel mothers. Yes it will get easier, but I've found that your heart will never be the same. We have wounds that heal, but for every wound there is a scar. But don't be ashamed of your scars because they have something to teach you. Our scars are what build us into the strong women that we are. Take your time, do what's right for you. There is no timeline for trying again. You'll see everyone's timeline for ttc is different, but the journey is always the same. So keep sharing, I look forward to following your journey and appreciate your support. Good luck with the RE tommorrow!
Christa.
Laura said...
Hello Dawn--
Christa put it so eloquently, and I echo her remarks. My heart goes out to you and the pain that you have felt over the last few months. I pray that you will be able to get some reassuring answers in the appointment tomorrow! You'll be in my prayers. God bless!
ashley said...
Oh, I wish I could say that it does get easier, but I would be lying. Infertility is an ugly hard road but you WILL get through it, one way or the other. I am so sorry for your losses. As you may already know, I've experienced several of them myself and each one is just as tough, if not harder than the first. The best advice I can give to you is to do your homework. Get all the testing done that is available to you before trying again. There is hope, I and so many others are living proof of that. Keep your chin up! You'll get through this.