I keep having these terrible extremely vivid nightmares about losing this pregnancy. Each one is different, but just as horrible. It seems to happen more on the days I allow myself to believe that maybe just maybe we will get to keep this one. Then BAM! I have another sickening nightmare and I'm back to being scared to death. I have heard that crazy dreams are a part of pregnancy but I'm not sure if they occur this early on and I only hope they don't get worse. Heck I just want them to stop!!
On top of these nightmares, I have also become an emotional wackadoo. Now this I know has to do with the pregnancy. I cry constantly. We did our Christmas shopping yesterday and most of our Toys R Us stores are a combo of that and Babies R Us. I tried to avoid that entire section as it made me have heart palpitations just thinking of it. However we wanted to get something for my SIL's new baby (due in 2 weeks) so we had to head over there. We walked by the crib sets and I just started bawling in the middle of the darn store!!! I so badly want to just forget all my fear and look at them and confidently know that I can do so without wondering if I am jinxing myself. I am a Christian and I should know better to think such things!! Whatever God's plan is for me will not change regardless of what I do or do not do. I also cried while watching The Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Perhaps I should just watch comedies.
The good thing is that I should get my doppler in the mail today! Thanks Dawn and Nicole! It may be too early to hear it as I'm only 9 weeks 3 days today, but you'll be darn sure I'm gonna try! I also get my 10 week sono with the RE on Friday!! I have been lucky enough to go weekly, so although it's only ten days since the last one, it still feels like forever. It will be my last visit with the RE as well which is kinda sad but exciting. Keep trying to make an appt with the midwives but can only call during lunch at which point they never answer!!! Hopefully I can get through today. Still can't believe I've gotten to this far. How I pray this is our keeper and I get to meet our little nugget in July!
On top of these nightmares, I have also become an emotional wackadoo. Now this I know has to do with the pregnancy. I cry constantly. We did our Christmas shopping yesterday and most of our Toys R Us stores are a combo of that and Babies R Us. I tried to avoid that entire section as it made me have heart palpitations just thinking of it. However we wanted to get something for my SIL's new baby (due in 2 weeks) so we had to head over there. We walked by the crib sets and I just started bawling in the middle of the darn store!!! I so badly want to just forget all my fear and look at them and confidently know that I can do so without wondering if I am jinxing myself. I am a Christian and I should know better to think such things!! Whatever God's plan is for me will not change regardless of what I do or do not do. I also cried while watching The Biggest Loser and Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Perhaps I should just watch comedies.
The good thing is that I should get my doppler in the mail today! Thanks Dawn and Nicole! It may be too early to hear it as I'm only 9 weeks 3 days today, but you'll be darn sure I'm gonna try! I also get my 10 week sono with the RE on Friday!! I have been lucky enough to go weekly, so although it's only ten days since the last one, it still feels like forever. It will be my last visit with the RE as well which is kinda sad but exciting. Keep trying to make an appt with the midwives but can only call during lunch at which point they never answer!!! Hopefully I can get through today. Still can't believe I've gotten to this far. How I pray this is our keeper and I get to meet our little nugget in July!
7 comments:
Laura said...
Oh Dawn--I'm so sorry. I've had those dreams as well, and each was more terrifying than the last. I pray that God surround you with His comfort and peace throughout the days and nights of this pregnancy. God bless!
MMC said...
The dreams won't continue like that all the time - I think it might just be a lot worse in early pregnancy. My early dreams were SO vivid and SO real for the first 15 weeks or so, it was stunning. I'd often wake up in the morning thinking I had the plot of novel ready to write, dreamed up from the night before!
Some of those dreams were distressing like yours are now, but then they also became about other things besides the baby and my fears, so it wasn't as bad. And in general, the intensity of the dreaming has tailed off throughout the 2nd trimester (I'm at 25 weeks now, myself).
I hope you find the same thing!
just me, dawn said...
Dawn- I had some of those in the first trimester too, but they seem to settle down for me. and like a previous post.....some of them were just vivid dreams about other topics.
Remember, when you try the doppler, start really really low, like at the hairline. my bebe girl stayed down there for months. and I think Nicole had the same experience at the beginning. i recieved mine at 9w5d and was successful within an hour (LOL) so don't freak if it takes a while :)
Kailyn's Mommy said...
Yayyy!! You got the doppler. Just don't freak yourself out. When I finally got mine @ 11 weeks lil pea's heartbeat was so light. Now I find her right away and she is so loud. I alway's heard better with earpieces in the beginning. Now I don't need them.
I had a few nightmares before my big 12 week scan. I kept thinking they were going to tell me she wasn't growing. For some reason I thought I was supposed to be big already! lol Now she is growing like crazy and I am wondering just how big I'm going to get!!!! ;-)
Rach said...
So exciting you are almost 10 weeks! I hope you will experience some peace soon. Maybe a life counselor could help you learn to control the negative thoughs. I had one session and it did help.
Me said...
Oh my! I've been having those awful dreams, too! I had one last night where I wasn't married to Vince, and my old boyfriend didn't want me. Why would I dream something like that?! On Saturday I cried when I bought baby carrots. I think I should just not go out in public!
Good luck with the doppler! Where did you get it and how much was it?
Here's hoping you, Lucky and I all get to meet our little nuggets in July!
Andrea said...
Sorry you are having those dreams, but they are normal as we are subconsciously remembering the past. My therapist helped me to interpret what I was dreaming about and it helped greatly to overcome all the fear and anxiety, as that was driving the dreams for me. Maybe some time with a counselor or therapist would help to get you over this hump.
I only wish our innocence of pregnancy had not been taken away. On a happy note, try to take things day by day and live in the moment when you can :) So happy all is going well for you!