Yup that's right. After almost 2 years of being away I go back @ 8:15am tomorrow & I am a wreck. All day I have been emotional just thinking about the last time I was there & so much of what I've been through just comes flooding back. I've tried to explain to my mom & hubby but they don't get it. And that's when I thought of all of you! So here's the backstory.
I got my period back when Adelyn turned 6 months. Because I was still BFing it was pretty irregular but at some point in between I kept getting really bad cramps. But not like cramps, as they were more of a shooting pain that started by my left ovary & went down my leg. They are excruciating & come in waves. Around the 3rd time this had happened I realized it was while I was ovulating but still convinced myself it had to do w/BFing. Because they only happen for a short time they are easy to forget about when it's over. I assumed it had to do with BFing & once I stopped last month, I still had the pain but only once & for about 15 min. Now when I say excruciating I'm not kidding. When it happens I am incapable of standing up, nonetheless, taking care of Adelyn. Luckily, it has happened a few times while hubby is home, but not every time.
Once I stopped BFing my period came back right on track & hubby & I have decided to try for #2. This decision alone is terrifying as I'm sure many of you can imagine. We did an IUI for Addy but felt confident that w/the baby aspirin & Folbic prescription that we would hopefully not suffer any losses. Of course I second guess this decision a thousand times a day, but I need to trust my body & that God will be there to help us through. So this month we have actively been trying. Using OPK, temping, the whole nine. Well after doing the deed the other night I was woken up @ 3am with the worst pain ever!!! Sadly, this proved my theory wrong about it being due to BFing. I was up for 2 hours in so much pain I was sick to my stomach. After taking some tylenol & putting heat on it, it subsided enough for me to fall back to sleep (for an hr before Addy woke). I hoped that it was over but I just kept getting the pain. I called my midwife who didn't seem too concerned w/it but after a full day I called my RE's office. I explained what was going on & they told me to come in tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm overreacting but here I am trying to get pregnant again & doing my best to trust my body & am filled with so much doubt. What if we lose another baby? What will I do? What if something else is wrong? It would be so unfair. I thought we figured out my problem. I don't know. I'm just so all over the place & returning to the RE when I didn't think we'd have to is so very hard. I know that some of you are still fighting for your miracles & I don't mean to come across as ungrateful or borrowing trouble, but the truth is I'm scared. I'm scared & once again no one IRL gets it. They all think that once Addy got here it all goes away. I forget what I went through & stop worrying about it. And maybe I should, but I can't. So please, keep me in your prayers as I am in our first 2WW & have no idea what is going on with these intense ovulation pains. I want to be positive but my mind just keeps going back to all the things that can go/be wrong. Hopefully I'll have some answers tomorrow.
I got my period back when Adelyn turned 6 months. Because I was still BFing it was pretty irregular but at some point in between I kept getting really bad cramps. But not like cramps, as they were more of a shooting pain that started by my left ovary & went down my leg. They are excruciating & come in waves. Around the 3rd time this had happened I realized it was while I was ovulating but still convinced myself it had to do w/BFing. Because they only happen for a short time they are easy to forget about when it's over. I assumed it had to do with BFing & once I stopped last month, I still had the pain but only once & for about 15 min. Now when I say excruciating I'm not kidding. When it happens I am incapable of standing up, nonetheless, taking care of Adelyn. Luckily, it has happened a few times while hubby is home, but not every time.
Once I stopped BFing my period came back right on track & hubby & I have decided to try for #2. This decision alone is terrifying as I'm sure many of you can imagine. We did an IUI for Addy but felt confident that w/the baby aspirin & Folbic prescription that we would hopefully not suffer any losses. Of course I second guess this decision a thousand times a day, but I need to trust my body & that God will be there to help us through. So this month we have actively been trying. Using OPK, temping, the whole nine. Well after doing the deed the other night I was woken up @ 3am with the worst pain ever!!! Sadly, this proved my theory wrong about it being due to BFing. I was up for 2 hours in so much pain I was sick to my stomach. After taking some tylenol & putting heat on it, it subsided enough for me to fall back to sleep (for an hr before Addy woke). I hoped that it was over but I just kept getting the pain. I called my midwife who didn't seem too concerned w/it but after a full day I called my RE's office. I explained what was going on & they told me to come in tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm overreacting but here I am trying to get pregnant again & doing my best to trust my body & am filled with so much doubt. What if we lose another baby? What will I do? What if something else is wrong? It would be so unfair. I thought we figured out my problem. I don't know. I'm just so all over the place & returning to the RE when I didn't think we'd have to is so very hard. I know that some of you are still fighting for your miracles & I don't mean to come across as ungrateful or borrowing trouble, but the truth is I'm scared. I'm scared & once again no one IRL gets it. They all think that once Addy got here it all goes away. I forget what I went through & stop worrying about it. And maybe I should, but I can't. So please, keep me in your prayers as I am in our first 2WW & have no idea what is going on with these intense ovulation pains. I want to be positive but my mind just keeps going back to all the things that can go/be wrong. Hopefully I'll have some answers tomorrow.
14 comments:
Ella said...
Keeping you in my thoughts, Dawn! Hope tomorrow goes well... be strong, I know it will be hard :( I really really hope that things are easier for you this time...
Anonymous said...
Dawn,
I have a friend who went through IVF a year ago and she too has these terrible pains. She saw her OB last week and she said it can be normal post pregnancy. But, good for you to go to your RE. I'm sure there will be an ultrasound in store, but we've had many of those right? Just happy your being proactive.
I dread they day I walk back through the doors of our fertility clinic, as I hate reliving those memories of struggeling to conceive :( Its just so hard.
All the best to you sweet friend and please let us know how you are.
xxx
Andrea
persuitofourfairytale.blogspot.com
Wendy said...
Oh Dawn! We are right there with you but being in your shoes now must be so uncertain especially now that you have seen the best as well as the worst on this journey. I will be praying for you every day and will be keeping you in my thoughts as you and your hubby enter into this second phase of your family plans. I am hoping for the best with your visit, and there will be some answers and proactive solutions and steps you can take to ensure a safe and healthy 2nd pregnancy. Hugs to you girl xo
Laura said...
I'm so sorry that you're in pain...and confused...and scared. Thinking of you!
Tracy said...
((hugs)) I know how hard it was for me to walk back into the RE's office when I was first pregnant with this baby. So many rough memories. Thinking of you today!
Kailyn's Mommy said...
Wow I wasn't expecting this kind of post. I am sorry you are already having problems, but I am VERY curious to see what your dr says because I too have been having these HORRIBLE ovulation pains. Last night I was up until the heating pad finally sort of numbed the pain around midnight. Felt like I was trying to pop a baseball out of my left ovary. I am prone to cysts so I'm not sure if that is what has been going on. I had one rupture many years ago and that was SO painful. Have a friend that happened to and she actually went to the ER, that's how painful they can be.
Good luck and keep us posted. Hoping everything is fine and hey, at least you know you are ovulating.....just hopefully good little eggs. :-)
Anonymous said...
Sending you many prayers today that you figure out what is going on.
~~Amy from Learning to Heal (it won't let me comment with my account so I'm doing it anonymously)
Nat said...
I'll be praying for you, too! Good luck TTC #2!
th3actor said...
Hello, my name is Tyrone Howard. I am a US Navy veteran with 15 years of active duty service, but I am currently a college student. I recently completed a nine minute short film titled "Unforeseen" which is about second chances. I have been showing it around to my friends through facebook and I have gotten a very good response from parents and particularly parents who have or have friends who have had difficulties birthing children. I know you do not know me but I would like to share my short film with you and (if you like it) any other parents or anyone on your blog that may also like it. I have included the link to the vimeo page. I would also like to ask you one more thing, if you watch it, could you email me and let me know your opinion, comments or feedback please? I wish you the best of luck in all you do and in life, and I hope that everything went well last week at RE. Thank you for your time and I really hope that you will enjoy it. http://vimeo.com/27601934
LuckyOnce said...
I don't have any advice but I'll be thinking of you. xoxo
TIG said...
Thanks dawn. Addy is so cute too! How is she adjusting to braces? Is it temporary? Also I will keep you in my prayers for your new path in preparing for another pregnancy. It's been so long since I wrote and I hope to be consistent. I plan on trying in a year or so but praying for the right time too.
CeCe said...
Thinking of you and sending big hugs!!
Wendy said...
Dawn!!!!!!!! I just saw your comment on Laura's blog and I'm totally freaking out!!! I couldn't wait for your next post so I just wanted to say I have you in my prayers. Praise God!
Laura said...
Wendy beat me to it! Yay!! Praying for you!!