So I got a call from the nurse and I am not pregnant this month. So another month goes by with no baby and I just find myself at a loss. I have tried so hard to stay positive and today that just seems impossible. Naturally I am at work, so after the call I just sat in my car bawling. I called my mom completely incoherient, just telling her I'm not sure how much more I can take. I know that I haven't gone through nearly as much as some of the ladies on here and I'm sorry if I seem like a big baby. I'm not even sure why I am so upset to be honest. I kept trying to tell myself not to be hopeful but couldn't help it. Especially after they told me my progesterone was at 32 on CD 21. The crazy thing is once I am pregnant that's when the scary part really starts!!!
I know that this is just an other bump in the road and that I can't give up, but sometimes it is all just so overwhelming. I find myself asking the typical why me questions, going over and over in my head how unfair it all is, when I know that doubting Gods plans for me is not the answer nor will it help! I want to say I'm too weak, but with God all things are possible and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I can and will do this! Maybe not when I want to, but I do believe that one day hubby and I will become proud parents. I need to! Hubby is away at training, so I have the joy of being at home alone tonight. I keep telling myself that I am never alone. God is always with me. But how lovely it would be to just get a hug from my hubby tonight!
I know that this is just an other bump in the road and that I can't give up, but sometimes it is all just so overwhelming. I find myself asking the typical why me questions, going over and over in my head how unfair it all is, when I know that doubting Gods plans for me is not the answer nor will it help! I want to say I'm too weak, but with God all things are possible and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I can and will do this! Maybe not when I want to, but I do believe that one day hubby and I will become proud parents. I need to! Hubby is away at training, so I have the joy of being at home alone tonight. I keep telling myself that I am never alone. God is always with me. But how lovely it would be to just get a hug from my hubby tonight!
8 comments:
just me, dawn said...
Well, I am sending you a big hug.....and hoping you are doing ok. I am praying that your miracle comes soon!
Laura said...
Oh Dawn, I'm so sorry. I know the frustration. I pray that you are able to feel God's comfort as you're home alone. Hang in there, and know that I'm praying for you!
Kailyn's Mommy said...
I'm so sorry! It will happen. I used to hate when people would tell me that, but thankfully it did happen. Took us 6 months of TTC (and one month break) after my last miscarriage. I thought, great! now we have ALSO have problems getting PG and can't hold a baby. Felt just like you, how much more can i take. but you will handle it all because i know you want your baby just as much as me. i pray next month brings your BFP and a sticky one at that.
Wendy said...
You are definitely not alone -- sometimes I wonder if God can hear me when I sob incoherently but I know that He does and He knows the silent pain we carry each day that goes by without us being pregnant...I'm hoping of all hopes that this is our month/our year but there are so many things not in our control that you just have to enjoy BDing time with hubby until that miracle comes along. stay strong! it's going to be so worth it!
Fumbling towards Motherhood said...
((Big Hug))Dawn. I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad today. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your emotions, so please don't apologize. You are not alone in your journey, we all understand. I know how hard this is, but hold on to your faith, and continue to hope. My Dad always told me "Tommorrow is a new day", and for you Dawn a brand new cycle with a chance at conception! So I say put on your most cozy pj's, fill up on chips & chocolate, and rent a great chick flick tonight. You deserve a girl night :)
Stephanie said...
Do not apologize for how you feel. These are your feelings, and if anyone gave you a hard time for feeling this way is horrible. Who cares if someone has gone through worse!!! You were let down, and I am so sorry. Us girls have to stick together and be there for eachother...not make you feel like your losses were nothing...YOU LOST...and YOU can be sad...it's your right...and YOU can feel let down!!! I am here for ya lady, I know a lot of us are....Good luck for next month, and TONS of babydust!
LuckyOnce said...
I'm sorry to hear that you had another disappointing month. Hopefully your body just needs to get adjusted to the Clomid and next month will be better!
Erica said...
Hang in there!!! Praying for you.