I am officially back on the TTC bandwagon!!!
The end of July ended up being a very difficult time for me. Work has become extremely hard and most days I drive in and am so upset before I get there that I am sick to my stomach, and then I usually end up crying on the drive home. On top of this I am having such mixed emotions about trying again. One minute I feel like it can't be here soon enough, while the next minute I'm freaking out that it's so close! The combination of these two things have made me a complete and total lunatic!! I try very hard to remain positive but it seems the closer I get the harder that becomes. I am so exhausted lately from just trying to fight back the fear and anxiety I have. I am usually a very strong person and recently I am just too weak to even stick up for myself. Where I used to be able to hold my own I seem to just crumble. One small thing can completely make me crack and I spend the whole day fighting to stay strong. I swear I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know God was on my side!!!!
AF arrived today and I have an appt for a CD3 baseline sono on Thurs (ridiculously early in the AM) and then get my prescription for clomid. I am going away camping that day too!!! Nothing like a nice early sono to kick off a vacation! But it is a WELL NEEDED VACATION that's for sure! Hopefully I won't end up being a complete emotional wreck as I start taking the clomid while camping. I am fearing hot flashes while camping...eek! I will update all as to what (if any-see that's me being positive) side effects I end up having.
And Laura you are a doll!!! Thank you very much for checking up on me!!!
The end of July ended up being a very difficult time for me. Work has become extremely hard and most days I drive in and am so upset before I get there that I am sick to my stomach, and then I usually end up crying on the drive home. On top of this I am having such mixed emotions about trying again. One minute I feel like it can't be here soon enough, while the next minute I'm freaking out that it's so close! The combination of these two things have made me a complete and total lunatic!! I try very hard to remain positive but it seems the closer I get the harder that becomes. I am so exhausted lately from just trying to fight back the fear and anxiety I have. I am usually a very strong person and recently I am just too weak to even stick up for myself. Where I used to be able to hold my own I seem to just crumble. One small thing can completely make me crack and I spend the whole day fighting to stay strong. I swear I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know God was on my side!!!!
AF arrived today and I have an appt for a CD3 baseline sono on Thurs (ridiculously early in the AM) and then get my prescription for clomid. I am going away camping that day too!!! Nothing like a nice early sono to kick off a vacation! But it is a WELL NEEDED VACATION that's for sure! Hopefully I won't end up being a complete emotional wreck as I start taking the clomid while camping. I am fearing hot flashes while camping...eek! I will update all as to what (if any-see that's me being positive) side effects I end up having.
And Laura you are a doll!!! Thank you very much for checking up on me!!!
5 comments:
Kailyn's Mommy said...
You sound just like me that first month of us getting back on the TTC wagon after my 2nd miscarriage. Now almost 6 months later I just want a BFP already!! Still knowing the anxiety is waiting to rear it's ugly head.
Sticky baby dust to you this month! This was also my first month on Clomid and it wasn't too bad. Hot flashes were very mild. But I was only started on 25mg a day so not sure what you are starting on.
Well have a great weekend camping and good luck!
Laura said...
I'm right there with you! I also tend to yo-yo between wanting to try and not feeling ready. For now, we're in the "trying-but-not-trying" sort of place. Hang in there, and enjoy the camping trip!
ashley said...
Try and relax on your vacation, sound like you could really use it. Hope your ultrasound goes well!
Stephanie said...
Well, my ONE month on Clomid was ehh..not so fun....BUT I did get pregnant from the first round! Good Luck, and Babydust!
LuckyOnce said...
Oh my gosh. What you're going through right now sounds so like me in terms of the "usually a strong person - can fight for myself." I feel like a big pile right now.
I hope everything goes well and that your outlook improves.