So after a week of actually feeling pregnant we went in to see Poppy & I THOUGHT the sono went great. S/he was measuring 8wks 5days (I'm 9 today) & heart rate went up to 170. I was having some pretty bad cramping yesterday/last night & was so scared we would get bad news on our anniversary. But we didn't & I finally let myself get excited. Well that was a stupid move. After we waited (forever!) for the Dr to come in w/Addy getting very impatient, she told us that the yolk sac was collapsing which it is too early to do & the embryonic sac was measuring smaller than they'd like. Apparently the yolk sac helps nourish the baby until the umbilical cord completely takes over around 12 weeks. The thing is, I don't know why she told me these things. None of the other Dr's even mentioned the sac size prior to today. What good does having this information do? She was so super nice but at the same time just plain ol pessimistic. Afterwards, I got a phone call from the nurse saying my urine culture showed I have a bladder infection & that explains the cramping & constant (& I do mean constant) peeing. So now I'm on antibiotics for a week too!
I have never in my life been through anything like this. I don't even know what to expect or think anymore. The Dr's are so confused & I think I let that bring me down. They want a scientific explanation but I know better. I know that God is in control, yet I let Satan get the best of me because my Dr's are not believers & to them they need an explanation. After the appt I decided to celebrate the life of this baby. Whether or not God decides to take him/her, I want to cherish this time I do have. I spend every second wondering if s/he is dead or alive but where does that get me? So I am focusing hard on loving the baby & just being happy w/whatever time God has given me w/it.
So ladies please pray for this baby. And for hubby & I as we struggle w/our emotions & our faith. I don't know why this is happening & may never know, but that is not what God wants me to focus on. I need to focus on trusting Him & believing he will do what is best for us (even if I don't think it is). We go back again next week & will hopefully have only good news & convince the Dr's that they do not only have to look at the bad but focus on the good. We have a viable baby, with a heartbeat that is growing. And that will help get me through the week.
I have never in my life been through anything like this. I don't even know what to expect or think anymore. The Dr's are so confused & I think I let that bring me down. They want a scientific explanation but I know better. I know that God is in control, yet I let Satan get the best of me because my Dr's are not believers & to them they need an explanation. After the appt I decided to celebrate the life of this baby. Whether or not God decides to take him/her, I want to cherish this time I do have. I spend every second wondering if s/he is dead or alive but where does that get me? So I am focusing hard on loving the baby & just being happy w/whatever time God has given me w/it.
So ladies please pray for this baby. And for hubby & I as we struggle w/our emotions & our faith. I don't know why this is happening & may never know, but that is not what God wants me to focus on. I need to focus on trusting Him & believing he will do what is best for us (even if I don't think it is). We go back again next week & will hopefully have only good news & convince the Dr's that they do not only have to look at the bad but focus on the good. We have a viable baby, with a heartbeat that is growing. And that will help get me through the week.
8 comments:
Erica said...
Praying and checking your blog every day!! I like that you are celebrating your baby!
Amy said...
Continuing to pray for you daily. Celebrate that baby as he/she is here for a reason, maybe to remind you that miracles do happen. Sending big hugs to you!
Ella said...
Oh my goodness... I am just so confused, I can't imagine what you guys are going through. SO happy you are celebrating this baby's life as it is right now and not stressing out over tomorrow. It's out of your control, and that is both a frustrating and a freeing feeling, I'm sure. Thinking of you every day, Dawn! You have amazing strength!
Melis.sa said...
Constantly praying for you, the baby, your family!! Please know you guys are never far from my thoughts.
Laura said...
Every day with Ella, I told her "You are loved, you are wanted, you are cherished". It helped me feel that even if God did take her, that she knew just how much she meant to me. I know that this baby is precious to you. God is good. We don't understand Him sometimes, but I do believe that God is good.
Shandrea said...
Tonight in church we learned that there is power in our words. We can speak negative or we can speak positive but either way our words have power and I truly believe that. So I pray that God works in this situation that he surrounds you and your hubby in a peace and comfort taking away your worries and just resting in him. I pray that he bewilders the doctors with the miracle that you are caring. I pray that this baby thrives and grows and lives. But as you said most of all I pray that God's will be done that his glory shines through in this situation. and I pray your strength in God. In Jesus Name! It is so! Sending you and your bean Lots of Love <3
Tracy said...
Oh my goodness, Dawn! I can't imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on. I've had a few times with my beta numbers, where they rose a little, then fell, then rose a little. But, it was always much earlier on. I can't imagine that kind of turmoil for weeks and weeks. :(
We'll still be praying for you and your Poppy. Much love!
Nat said...
Look at your feisty little baby defying all those odds!! Your attitude is amazing. I am so happy you now have two babies to love.
Don't let the yolk sac thing stress you. I had that with R, also. Everything with my pregnancy with him went wrong, but look where we are now. God is in control; not the doctors.
I'll keep the four of you in my prayers!
Love you guys!! :)