Well today is one of those days I've dreaded since this whole roller coaster ride started. Perhaps more so because I was just so sure we would be pregnant again by now. Instead of sitting at work wishing there was something to do, I should be delivering (or close to) our first baby. It seems so unreal. I am at peace to a degree because I know that our little ones are together with the Lord and that I will get to see them one day. Without that knowledge I'm not sure if I could have woken up with morning. Sadly, as reassuring as that is, it still doesn't make it easy. These past few weeks I have really worked hard at letting go and am amazed at how well I have been doing. I don't know what is going to happen no matter what and I can't control that and that's ok because someone much better is taking care of me.
Yesterday was a huge test for me as I learned that my brothers wife is pregnant. Notice I don't call her my SIL. Four years ago my wonderful brother decided to marry the last person we ever thought he would. As a Christian, I work very hard to see the good in all people, and in all reality very few are actually "just bad". Unfortunately my brothers wife is one of them. She is a very manipulative and hurtful person. Prior to her, my family was extremely close, yet now we never get to see my brother. She has been caught in my parents place while they are not home, accessing both mine and my brothers e-mail and FB accts and then the Jerry Springer of all moves, keyed my car! My family (parents, 3 siblings and myself) are very low key and as far from this type of behavior as you can imagine. Unfortunately my brother has allowed it all to happen. She has a daughter from a previous marriage and they have a 3 year old son and I believe he is afraid to lose them. Either way it was very difficult for me to learn that she is pregnant again. As hurt as I am by this woman, I pray for her constantly as I know that the Lord is the only one who can save her. But it is not easy and I did have a good cry yesterday. I am scared that she will do her best to hang this over me and am praying for the strength to be able to continue handling whatever may be thrown my way.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight" Prov 3:5-6
Yesterday was a huge test for me as I learned that my brothers wife is pregnant. Notice I don't call her my SIL. Four years ago my wonderful brother decided to marry the last person we ever thought he would. As a Christian, I work very hard to see the good in all people, and in all reality very few are actually "just bad". Unfortunately my brothers wife is one of them. She is a very manipulative and hurtful person. Prior to her, my family was extremely close, yet now we never get to see my brother. She has been caught in my parents place while they are not home, accessing both mine and my brothers e-mail and FB accts and then the Jerry Springer of all moves, keyed my car! My family (parents, 3 siblings and myself) are very low key and as far from this type of behavior as you can imagine. Unfortunately my brother has allowed it all to happen. She has a daughter from a previous marriage and they have a 3 year old son and I believe he is afraid to lose them. Either way it was very difficult for me to learn that she is pregnant again. As hurt as I am by this woman, I pray for her constantly as I know that the Lord is the only one who can save her. But it is not easy and I did have a good cry yesterday. I am scared that she will do her best to hang this over me and am praying for the strength to be able to continue handling whatever may be thrown my way.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight" Prov 3:5-6
8 comments:
Laura said...
Wow Dawn...talk about a "double-whammy". I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you are sad about your first baby, and I'm sorry that you're struggling with the announcement (and the relationship). You're in my prayers. On a more positive note--I love that you posted Prov 3:5-6--those were part of the verses I was meditating on last night. God bless!
just me, dawn said...
Sending you a hug and good thoughts on this difficult day. And you are special to be able to keep praying and thinking positive towards someone who sounds like not a nice person. Hang in there.
Rach said...
Ugh, sorry you had to hear that news. It sucks, I know. Last month I got the news that my sister was expecting. No career, not married, only 22! NOT FAIR! I do love my sister though, so I'm trying to put on a happy face.
cheryllookingforward said...
This is a hard time and I'll be sending you some love and prayers to get through.
Anonymous said...
I am sorry about your brother's sister. This seems to be a hard time for you and I am sure that the what-if thoughts are hard to deal with too. Hang in there. Your little ones are in Heaven just waiting till the appointed time for them
Kailyn's Mommy said...
I'm sorry. This is a really hard time on both counts. Thinking of you and hoping you get your happiness soon!
Wendy said...
Thinking of you right now, Dawn. It is moments like these that we must get through no matter how tough and unpleasant. It will define our struggle and ultimately make the end victory (a baby in our arms) that much sweeter. I am sorry to hear about the toxic relationship with your brother's wife -- you are doing the right thing by praying for her - I wouldn't know what to do if I were in the same situation - but the car keying is where I draw the line! >(
Fumbling towards Motherhood said...
((BIG HUG)) Dawn. These dates are never easy...but you do the best you can. I'm so sorry you have such a strained relationship with your SIL. My BIL has split my husband's family in two, so I have an idea of what you're going through...but I have to say the behaviour you describe from your SIL is worse than what we have to deal with. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to know she of all people is pregnant. I'm sure you're doing your best, you sound like you have a good attitude about it. I hope that she will respect your losses and not showboat her pregnancy around you. Take care of yourself.