Gods Plan Not Mine

So a good friend of mine has been struggling with getting pregnant for over a year and a half.  We go to the same RE office (different docs) and she did 4 IUI's when the doc told her that he was not going to do anymore and to move to IVF.  Her and her hubby discussed it and decided IVF wasn't for them and asked the docs to do one more round of IUI before they gave up.  We have gone through so much together.  Some how in the mist of all of this our cycles even ended up being the same!!!  So I would go in for blood work and there she would be.  We were even called in to sit next to each other while giving blood!!!  This month I got my IUI the 16th and she got hers the 17th.  It has been great to have someone go through this journey with you IRL.  Although our issues are different our end goals are the same-to have a baby of our own. 

We always agreed that once one of us got pregnant we would tell the other.  When I found out I was pregnant on Thurs I waited until I got the beta back to let her know.  I knew she would be happy for me (as I would with her) but I also understood that it couldn't be easy for her.  But she congratulated me and was sincerely happy for us.  Well....today she called and found out she is pregnant too!!!!!  We are due one day apart!!!  This is both of our first baby and how great will it be to go through everything with a dear Christian friend?? 

Of course my initial reaction is sheer and utter excitement and then there is the fear.  I know I can't explain this to anyone and only you ladies would really understand.  What if I loss this baby?  What if I have to stand by and watch my friend carry a baby that is due one day after ours??  My SIL is due 6 days after our last loss and sadly it has effected our relationship (as much as I try not to let it).  I love this friend so very much and would hate to allow this to come between us.  She has worked so hard for this little miracle!  How I just wish I could be 100% excited with no worries but each day is a battle for me.  I work constantly at squelching the fear that seems to want to take over.  I know that this is pessimistic but I can't help thinking about it.  I know you all would not criticize me and figured it would help to get it out.  Hopefully it will all be for nothing and we can enjoy 9 happy months together watching each others bellies grow and introducing our babies to one another at the end!!